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Goofing With Nigerian Scammers

Boss Man

A short and sweet goofing with a very pushy scammer that just isn't hip to Donny's scene. 
Donny (white), Boss (green), Editorial (maroon)

I am Mr.Bossar Odiakah, the Deputy Managing Director Of Commercial Bank Of Africa. I am writing in respect of a late foreign customer,Mr.Allen Jacobson, of my bank with account number 154-256-5204/CBA/FD to the tune of Twenty-nine Million,Nine hundred thousand United states dollars, a national of your country who perished with his entire family (His wife and only son) in a motor accident along Sagbama express road on the 21st of April 2000.All the occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives.Since the demise of this customer,l have made valuable efforts,as his accounting officer,to get in touch with any of the late customer's Next-of-Kin or relative anywhere in the world but unfortunately,all my efforts did not yield any positive results as no one has come-up to claim his total funds to the tune of Twenty-nine million, nine hundred thousand united states dollars which has been with my bank for a very long time.

Recently,the top management of my Bank has given me an ultimatum to provide the next of kin or have the total fund in the decease account confiscated within the next fourteen official working days. Because the banking ethics here does not allow foreign funds of any deceased customers to stay more than three years that means that this money will be recalled to the treasury as unclaimed after this period.On this note,l have reasoned that if l fail to present the next-of-Kin to claim this total money the bank top management will confisticate it and someone else will end up looting it in the treasury.Therefore,I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any foreigner who are of the same nationality and who bears the same last name with the deceased customer. Hence, l decided to contact you as a foreigner to stand as the Next-of-Kin to the deceased customer's account to claim his total fund with the bank after realizing that you bear the same last name and nationality with the deceased customer so that the proceeds of his account can be paid to you.

Upon the receipt of your response, I shall furnish you with the next step to take on how you shall successfully prosecute this claims with the bank as the next-of-Kin. I will not fail to bring to your notice that you should not entertain any fear in this transaction as all modalities for fund transfer can be finalized within seven banking days immediately l receive your response to stand as the Next-Of-Kin to the deceased customer. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. You have the right to suggest the sharing percentage after the total funds has been successfully transferred to your nominated account in your country.

l await your response through my private email address:bossar@collegeclub.com including your Full names,private email address, private Telephone and Fax numbers for confidential communication.

Respectfully submitted,

Mr. Bossar Odiakah

NB: You should not allow the the Top Bank management to know that l am involved in this transaction as l will not want to do anything that will jeopardise my good reputation in the bank.

Yours Faithfully,
Bossar Odiakah

Date: Fri, 23 Jan 2004 19:15:29 -0800 (PST)
From: "Donny Osmond" <theosmonds2000@yahoo.com>  
Subject: Hellooooo!
To: bossar@collegeclub.com

Wow!  What can I say.  I've been waiting for something like this to happen.   A psychic that I called last year told me that I would be looking at some money coming my way.   So, I'm cool with it.  I had no idea how much they were talking about!  I've talked to my wife Marie about it and she's cool with it.  I'm willing to say that I'm related to this Allen Jacobson guy if it means $29 million.   I think that Osmond sounds like Jacobson, so I can see why you contacted us man.  I mean it rhymes, right?   Cool.  So we're hip with it and can't wait to hear back from you.   Marie and I have already gone out and bought some new furniture for our trailer house.  It's one of those deals with no payments until 2005, so I think we're cool with it as long as we get this inheritance.  

Let us know what we need to do to get the ball rolling!

Donny and Marie Osmond
 (Don't you think they would get a clue that someone is goofing with them?   Apparently not.  These scammers won't take a clue.  So, we'll just keep upping the level of the absurdity until we hit them over the head with our scam within a scam.  Let the games begin.)

Date: Sun, 25 Jan 2004 05:51:14 -0500 (EST)
From: bossar@collegeclub.com 
To: "DonnyOsmond" <theosmonds2000@yahoo.com>
Subject:  "details"
Dear Donny,

Thank you very much for your response to my mail.  Actually this transaction is real and one hundred percent risk free and does not relate to any breach of law or proceeds from drugs. It is a matter of necessity to contact you for this transaction without further investigation about your person, as I view you to be a more responsible personality. It is therefore necessary that you tell me a little about yourself. I hope you would not betray me. As for Trust, it is a given thing that trust is earned, it is not given out lightly; however, because I need you in this transaction, I must give you my trust; it is worth 40% of this money... I believe that this will keep you from refusing to give my own share of the money when transaction is completed.

Like I stated in my proposal, I would like you to re-confirm your full names and address so that the Attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits which will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall hire two separate attorneys.

The first attorney will draft a WILL which will name you as the beneficiary/sole executor of the Will. This WILL will be backdated to purport that it had been written and signed by Mr. Allen Jacobson himself. The second attorney will file in the Federal High court with an appropriate affidavit in order to secure a letter of probate empowering you as the next of kin/Sole Beneficiary and Trustee/Sole Executor of the Estate of Mr. Allen Jacobson which includes the sum of US$29.9M lying in the account. The essence of hiring two attorneys is to make sure that both attorneys will not have the details of this transaction and thereby prevent them from knowing that this is a deal.

Upon preparation of these documents and approvals from the Ministry of Justice, the letter of probate will be granted in your favour which will give you the authority to request for the transfer of this money to your account. The Federal Ministry of Finance and our correspondence bank in Europe or America will now transfer the money to your nominated account. The Attorney will handle all the processes of obtaining the approvals on your behalf. All these processes will be accomplished within 7 working days and money will be transferred to your account immediately. The very good thing about this transaction is that it will be done in a very proper and legal manner.

I request your assistance as a foreigner to provide a personal account or company account with the information as follows:

Your name and address;
Your bank name and address;
Your account name and account number;
Your ABA number and swift code if any.

On completion of this transaction, you will be required to hold this fund in your account until I come over to your country for the sharing of the money.

Bossar Odiakah.

NB: Please send me your phone number so that we can get to discuss this one on one. At least you would understand it better.  I await your urgent response please.

Date: Sun, 25 Jan 2004 11:35:08 -0800 (PST)
From: "Donny Osmond" <theosmonds2000@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: "details"
To: bossar@collegeclub.com

Hey Boss (can I call you that?),
Howz it going?   This is too cool.   You kind of sound like you may not exactly trust me.   I trust you man. I mean, you sound very legit, working for a big bank and all.   I wasn't even thinking about you doing anything illegal or like drugs or something.   I'm sure you wouldn't do that and I wouldn't go for anything like that.  

It sounds like you want to get to know me so here it goes....   I was born Dec. 9, 1957 to Olive & George Osmond.in Ogden, Utah.  If you know anything about Utah, you know that the area was settled and developed by polygamous Mormon pioneers back in the 1860's and well, my family are descendents of those pioneers.  Pretty cool, hey?   I have seven brothers.  They all live around here and all have families, except for Jimmy and we all wonder if he might not be queer.  He likes to spend all his money on clothes and getting his hair permed.  I'm married to my pretty wife Marie and we have five boys.   She's such a sweetie, it seems like I've known her all my life.  I mean we've been together for so long and know each other so well, it's almost like we're brother and sister.  So, I never graduated from high school, but I'm pretty smart and all.   I like to read romance novels and on the side I like to sing and dance. I also have a dream of hosting a talk show on TV some day. 

Right now things are kind of difficult for us.  I work as a janitor for One Bad Apple music recording studio.   When I'm not working, sometimes I sit in and watch while people record their music.   I know I can sing and dance just as well as any of them, but I just don't have the money their damn studio time and the musicians.  We're talking big bucks!   Marie, she's at home with the boys, packing their lunches and getting them off to school.   I'm not really sure what she does during the day.  Sometimes I'm afraid she might have a boyfriend on the side, LOL.   But anywho, we really are having some hard times with the old finances and we've gotten behind on some bills.   We have some of those collectors calling us.  I usually just pretend to be one of my kids and say "dad's at work" when they call!    We went to Las Vegas last year on our 10 year anniversary and left the boys with Olive and George.   I was thinking that maybe I could take what little savings that we had an try and to gamble on the Roulette table and double our money.   Well I was very very very close.   I put it all on black 33 and I'll be damned if it didn't land on white 12.  So, there it goes.  Win some lose some.   All our savings are gone now.   But I was close and I feel pretty good about that.  We've been in debt for a long time and owe money on a bunch of credit cards.   We also owe money to a bunch of our family.   But hell, I don't feel too bad about some of them because some of them are pretty rich actually.   Hah, LOL  ; >.

So, that's about it for me.  How about you.   I'd love to hear about you and your family.   Do you have a picture.   What bank do you work for again?   I can look them up on the net.   I have DSL, so our connection is pretty good.  My bank is Zions Bank, 2302 Washington Blvd Ste 100 Ogden, UT 84401-1498. Their phone is (801) 393-9995.  I'll let them know that you might be calling.   Should I get an attorney for me on this thing since you have two on your side?    Actually one of my brothers is an attorney and probably would help me out, even though I still owe him some money.   But if he knows that I might be able to pay him back soon, I'm figuring that he'll probably help out.

So, talk to you later Boss man.  Let me know when the money will be deposited, so I can make some plans.

Donny Osmond

P.S.  I'm sending along a picture of me and my lovely wife, Marie.  Send me a picture of you and your family!

(If they look a little stiff, it's because they are wax dummies from Movieland in California).

Osmonds and Doll
Marie, Dolly and Donny

Sat, 31 Jan 2004 05:42:02 -0500 (EST)
From: bossar@collegeclub.com  Add to Address Book
To: "DonnyOsmond" <theosmonds2000@yahoo.com>
Subject:  call me today
Donny Osmond,

Thanks for your mails. I will want you to call me before we start up this transaction, my tel number is +234-1-7760885.

I await your urgent call.


Date: Sat, 31 Jan 2004 09:10:17 -0800 (PST)
From: "Donny Osmond" <theosmonds2000@yahoo.com>  Add to Address Book
Subject: Re: call me today
To: bossar@collegeclub.com

Hey Boss,
I almost gave up on you.   I talked to my stupid brother to tell him how excited I was.  Well he didn't think it was a good deal.   He think he knows everything just because he's an attorney.   He says that he thinks that this deal is some sort of fraud.  I told him that I didn't believe that.  Maybe he just wants some of my money.  How can it be a fraud if you're giving ME $10 million dollars.   Now we're in a big fight and he's not talking to me.   Oh well.

Unfortunately, I can't call you right now.  I don't have a long distance phone.   Do you have a toll free number at the bank?   I can call you on that.   What is the name of your bank.   I asked you that in my last e-mail.   I want to get some information on the bank so I can show my stupid brother that this is for real. 

I also want to know what you look like.   Are you married?   Do you have a family?    Send a picture of you and your family, so that I can feel sure that this is real. 

Also, I haven't said anything more to Marie, because I'm afraid that she might want some of the money.  She's always had a problem with spending too much of our money   Do you think it would be possible not to bring her into this deal?

Donny Osmond

Date:  Wed, 4 Feb 2004
Hey Boss,
What's happening.  You didn't respond to my last e-mail.  I'm getting worried.  I thought we had a deal and a plan.  I think I've done my share of the deal and I'm getting concerned that I might not get my share of the money. 

Donny Osmond

P.S.  I just noticed your CollegeClub.Com e-mail address.   Are you a college student?  I used to be in college, but dropped out. If you are, I hope you'll enjoy spring break.

Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2004 03:31:00 -0500 (EST)
From: bossar@collegeclub.com
To: "DonnyOsmond" <theosmonds2000@yahoo.com>

Dear Donny Osmond,

Thanks for your response.I must tell you this concerning the transaction,the deal involves money.From my understanding i see you will not be able to handle this transaction because this a deal that involve a huge sum of money.

I must be very clear to you in this regard,you don't do business without putting in some trust as in involving your capital for you to yield good result.

I have decide to front you as the next of kin in this deal for you to lay claim to this funds that has been lying down in my bank for a very long time now.

All i really needed from you now is to send across to me your personal phone and fax number which you have done,but you have failed to call me.

Please,endeavour to call me so that we can discuss the details.

Bossar .O.

Date:  Thu, 5 Feb 2004

Dear Boss,
I have never been so insulted in all my life!   Here I am trying to help you out of a difficult situation and you have the nerve to say that I won't be able to handle this transaction.  For your information sir, I am a very responsible citizen.  Those charges that you may have heard about have been dropped due to lack of evidence.   You cannot hold that against me.   What did you do, get a background criminal check on me?   Have you seen my court records?   That's all bullshit and made up lies.  The government here in Utah is corrupt and they have harassed me and set me up.  They planted drugs planted in my car so they could arrested me.  And I only took the money from the OneBadApple Recording studio for the wages that they owed me.   So please do not discredit me on the basis of a few arrests and convictions in my background.   They are lies, all lies.

I am having a very difficult time trusting you.   Besides insulting me, you have not told me what bank you work for.  You have not given me a toll free telephone number to your bank.   You have not told me about yourself and your family as good business partners would do.  You did not tell me if you were in college or not.  You have not sent me a picture as I have done out of politeness and genuine friendship to you.   You have just ignored me and insulted me.  It is you that I would say is not trustworthy.   In spite of all the advice that I have received from my brother the attorney, my wife Marie and my friend Jebadiah, who have all told me not to get involved, I have trusted you Boss.   I have trusted you like a brother.   I have tried my best to do you this as professional and businesslike as possible.   You have not done the same.   If you do not believe that you can do a few simple things like answer my questions and send me a simple picture, then I understand.  You can go and find someone else to help you get the Jacobsen money.   I will just return the furniture that I bought and forget about the money that you promised me.  

With Brotherly Love,
Donny Osmond

P.S.  I don't have a phone or fax but my brother says that you can send faxes to his office at 1(661)885-4826.

(This is a free fax by e-mail number I set up just for this purpose through the services of the good folks at Efax.)

Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2004 07:44:29 -0500 (EST)
From: bossar@collegeclub.com
To: "DonnyOsmond" <theosmonds2000@yahoo.com>
Subject: waiting

Donny Osmond,

How are you today? the funds have left for our off-shore payment center, let me know when you are been contacted.


Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2004 08:20:12 -0800 (PST)
From: "Donny Osmond" <theosmonds2000@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: waiting
To: bossar@collegeclub.com

How now.  Thank yu for letter.  Man no die, man no rotten.  Now my own, don betta.  My money don come?  You're on o!  How dey go in college?  Ehen? So make I comot nyash begin cry? Ol boy! Of which now? This no mago-mago?  A go dey see yu now .

Donny Osmond

(Roughly translated from Nigerian Pidgin, this means, "Hello.  Thank you for the letter.   I'm still alive and kicking.  Doing better.   My money is here?   Let's do business together!  How is college going for you?   So, what?   I don't see the evidence that this is a legitimate deal.   I hope this isn't drug or crime money.  Good bye.   Donny Osmond)

Date: Mon, 23 Feb 2004 00:10:40 -0800 (PST)
From: "Donny Osmond" <theosmonds2000@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: waiting
To: bossar@collegeclub.com

Did you get my e-mail?   I had it translated into Nigerian for you.   I hope that it made sense.  I paid some guy on the Internet to translate for me.   Hopefully he didn't just make some shit up, because I wouldn't have a clue what it meant.   Did you get it and did it make sense dawg?   Are you with me and are you hip to this idea?

Donny Osmond

Are we still in business dawg?  I've been working my butt off trying to keep you happy and to make this deal work.  So, what's happening.  

I must let you know that I may not need much money from you.  Grandma Osmond died last week and the family has told me that I'm going to inheret about $150,000.   So, whatdaya think about them apples?    Marie says I should put it in the boys college fund, but I'm thinking about buying a new 4x4 club cab truck and then taking the whole family on road trip across America.  

On top of that, I got an e-mail from Maryam Abacha (you may know her, she's the widow of the fomer Nigerian head of state Sani Abacha) and she's asked me to help her get about $35 million in funds to America and she's going to give me a cool $7 million for helping her out.   So, things are really going my way.

If you still need help in setting up an account in the U.S.A then just send me the $$$ and I'll take care of it, no problemo.  I'm getting good at handling money now.

I just feel like you and I are just starting to develop a friendship.   We have so much in common and I have true feelings for you.  You're more than just a brother to me.  I hope that I'm not sounding gay or anything, because I'm not.  I'm happily married to Marie. 

With love and non-gay kisses,
Donny Osmond

(Okay, the games up and we decide to let the Boss Man have it right between the eyes).
Date: Sat, 28 Feb 2004 10:56:39 -0800 (PST)
From: "Donny Osmond" <theosmonds2000@yahoo.com>  Add to Address Book
Subject: Re: waiting
To: bossar@collegeclub.com

Donny Osmond is a saint and a crusader, whose mission is to rid the world of the evil Nigerian e-mail scammers.  Our goal is to waste your time and your efforts and keep you away from hurting real people.  Then we turn you over to the authorities with the information we've gathered. 

Why do we do this?   Because you lie and steal from innocent people.  Do you understand that there is justice in this world and in the outer world?  When you lie and hurt people as you do, the same kind of energy will ultimately come back to you.  It doesn't matter that these people that you scam are on the other side of the world.  They have real lives, like yours, and have hardship, suffering, and family that depend on them.  Do you think about some of the people that you steal from like old ladies and old men, single mothers with kids.  Would you treat your own family this way?  

We don't hate you.  We hate what you do.   We're sure that you are person who does love and respect his own family, his friends and other people around him.  Our advice to you is to get an honest job.   One where you don't get paid for hurting people.   An honest job that won't put you in prison or see you shot in a dispute between yourself and your greedy co-workers.   Please change your ways before it is too late and start spreading love, positive energy and good deeds into the world.

With Love, Donny Osmond and Cast