Thank you for your reply honey. Now I am sure that you are
the right person for me. I keep leaving messages for that John Calvin dude and he never returns my calls.
Why are we wasting our time with him? We don't need him to tell us that we are in love. I can take
care of this whole thing on my own. I also have a lawyer, Mr. Shaquille O'Neil who can help us out.
I am having a little trouble here with my fat old wife
named Marie. She is not being very nice to me lately and now she won't give me any of the old hootchy coochy.
I don't know what's wrong with here. But I do know that you and I get along great and that we could make good hootchy
coochy together. So, I may just have to kill her. I'll let you know my decision.
what is the next thing that we need to do in order to get you out of the Congo? I really don't care about Magnus.
Do you know the way that male lions eat the cubs of their rivals? If Magnus comes to America we might just be eating
dinner one night and....there you go. That's why I don't want him to come to America with you. It's really
for his own protection. I just want you to come over honey.
Well, write me back real soon honey.
I sent you a nice picture of me. Where is my picture of you dammit??? I've been asking for this for too long.
It tells me that you aren't really serious. Maybe you are just playing with me? If you love me, please send
me a real nice picture honey. I want to put it on my wall and just stare and drool all day long.
I had a little trouble with Marie lately and
I decided to go out jogging. But the police arrested me unfairly. I made the newspaper here!
I hope it doesn't upset you. I just didn't want you to hear about it from someone else and be surprised at my behavior.
Donny On The Run (A Fake News Article You Have To Read!)
I love you honey. I am getting inpatient. I want to
come and get you.
Sorry to hear all you have gone through. Please don't
kill anyone okay. Have you been able to get in touch with the bank?
Let me know and God bless you.
Hi Donny love,
I haven't heard from you again in the last few
days. Please try and get things done so that we can be there for the Christmas.
Please send your phone number
so that I can speak with you when it's convenient for me to do so.
Please do something darling so that I can
be with you soon.
Sweety Pie Doreen,
I am sorry that I haven't written.
Honey, I am in jail. We get five minutes on the computer at day. They say that I killed my wife, Marie.
But it isn't true. She jumped off of the balcony and landed on a knife all by herself. I think she was depressed
about our relationship. Please believe me honey. I go to court this week and I have a dream team of
lawyers that includes Johnny Cochran, F. Lee Bailey and Shaquille O'Neil to defend my good name. As they say, if the
glove does not fit, you must acquit. The glove they found was a size 9 and I wear a size 10. At the very least
I hope to plea to a simple assault charge.
I will let you know the outcome of my court case. I hope
to be a free and single man by late next week. Please pray to the good god in heaven above for me.
Law and Order,
I got the news of your wife demise with shock. Hope
you don't have a hand in it as you have stated. May God save her soul.
I will be praying for you and I hope you
come out clean. May God be with you during this trying period.
Date: Wed, 2 Nov 2005 20:51:10 -0800 (PST)
From: "Donny Osmond"
<email@example.com> View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Re: What a sad news.
To: "doreen kabila" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
You bet your sweet bippy that
Cod is with me here in the jail cell. He will get me out, you just wait and see. And with my dream team of lawyers,
Shaq playing the lead center, I can't go wrong. Would you be willing to testify in my defense? Maybe write
up a letter or something that says what a great and fun guy that I am and how we are business partners and engaged to be married?
Please help me Doreen. My lawyer Mr. Shaq, says it would help me a lot if you wrote me a letter. Will ya do it
please, please, please with sugar on top.
Honey I love you more than ice cream on apple pie and I
want to live with you once I get out of this stinking jail cell. I have a very nice cell mate named Robert Blake
and he got a bad rap for killing his wife too. We're both innocent. We shower together every day.
So, please send me a nice letter and I would really love to have a picture of you to look at here in the jail.
I'm very lonely for female company. You are the only thing that I have left in this world Doreen.
Dear Funny Honey Bunny Doreen,
How are you my love?
I miss you. Wish I could be with you. Now that I'm not married, I am free to do whatever we want!
I am looking forward to my trial and I am pleading "not guilty" by reason of insanity. I am going to say that this old
woman named Marie made me crazy as a bed bug.
Will you come to my trial and be my witness that Marie
was driving me crazy? Even though I have good lawyers, I really need your support now. I will pay for your way
Please send me a picture so I can hang it up in my jail cell. I will not let Mr. Robert
Blake look at it, I promise.
Love and Jailhouse Rock,
Don't leave me now you ungrateful beyotch.
After all I've done for you and after all we've been through together, this is not the time to bail out on me. As your
husband to be, I am commanding that you write to me and send me your picture. Do this before I go crazy in this jail
cell. Robert Blake is looking at me kind of funny lately. I will be out soon and I am expecting to
be married to you when I am free again.
I am free at last! Free at last! Thank God
Almighty, I am free at last. The black jailkeeper and the black judge tried to keep me down because of the color of
my skin. They rule things here and they don't like the white man. I wasn't going to wait and let them send me
to the electric chair to die. I am an innocent man! At least you know that.
So, Robert Blake and
I tunneled our way out of the prison using spoons and our bare hands. Our tunnel came up in the woods just outside
the prison. We got rid of the dirt by by adding it to our food every day and stuffing it under our mattresses.
Now we're on the run but we plan to go to Florida and start an alligator wrestling business together.
am writing from a cafe that has a computer here. I stopped to check my e-mail and a few porn sites. I didn't
see any e-mail from you. It sounds like you are either sick with the kidney / malaria problem or that you have lost
all faith in me. Which one is it? I need to know. I never got your picture in prison, so I just
stared at Robert Blake a lot. We're kind of a couple now.
I still would like you to come over
to the U.S. I have a some money stashed from a very large "loan" that Robert and I recently took out from the Bank of
America. I'm talking over $160,000 which we split 50/50. I've got enough to live like a king now. I just
need me a good queen other than just Robert.
I need to know what you want to do Doreen. Do
you still love me and wish to be with me? Only a few people know where I am and what I am doing including you.
Other than you and Robert, only my bishop, my hair dresser, my cat groomer, my parole officer and my brothers know where I
am. If anyone talks, I am a dead man. I will do whatever it takes to bring you over here to the U.S.
and marry you as my wife. Will you let Robert Blake live with us? You'll like him because he doesn't have
a home and he can keep us entertained. He's a very good actor and singer and he can make a mean casserole dish.
is my deal. You send me one naked picture and I will send you $2500 from the Bank of America "loan". You take
that money and buy a one way ticket over here to a location to be determined. I am thinking of Florida or New Orleans.
What do you think? But bottom line honey is that you've been playing me for a fool way too long. You've
made lots of promises of money and love and I haven't seen either. I think that you are playing a game with me
so I need some real proof of your love and commitment to me. Words alone just are not good enough. I want
a naked picture, showing your breasts and so that I know that it is you and not some porn picture from the Internet, you need
to hold a sign that says exactly this, "I Love Barretta and Want to Have His Babies."
If I don't hear
back from you, I will assume that you are dead from the AIDS and I will get on with my new life as a free (and rich) man.
you do respond exactly according to my instructions, you will be my new queen and we will live a new and rich life here in
American with a big house and big cars and only the finest to eat and drink.
D.O. (I am changing
my name to "Barretta" so that I am not traced on the Internet. Please look for future e-mails from
"Barretta" and please refer to me as "Baretta" at all times. This way the police
cannot find me.)
(This could be it. I think she's getting a clue that we are
over the top)
I still remember your first e-mail to me. What happened to
that kind widow who needed my help?
This is Barretta saying goodbye to you, old broad
Doreen Kabila. I don't need any more of your old 419 scam. I've seen your kind come and go and I've
messed around with the best of them. I knew you were fake when you wouldn't send me a picture you sick old broad.
I'll bet you are a man pretending to be a woman. Shame on you. Cod will take revenge upon you by taking away your
man organs so that you really are a woman.
I told you I was Donny Osmond. I lied. I am not Donny
Osmond, the famous rock and roller. I am Robert Blake the washed up actor that they say killed his wife.
I was afraid that you would not trust me if I told you that I really was Robert Blake.
I am still on the run
from the police. I need a little help but I'm trying to hook up with Pamela Anderson as long as she's not still with
that dirtbag Tommy. I'm hoping that she'll take me in and nurse me back to health.
Anyway, I've known
that you were a fake all along. I thought I would just waste your time and lie to you and tell you that I really was
interested in you and that I really believed that you would share your money with me. I know you are a liar. I
know that you e-mail lots of people and lie to them every day. Again, Cod will have his revenge with those how lie and
Meanwhile until you go to hell, please visit my website at www.donnyo3.tripod.com.
Goodbye you sick old broad!!!!